A 2004 University of Nc study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements on their a higher level “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier amounts of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. The reason being mindfulness is often a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an inevitable section of life’s journey. Inside a relationships where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural that individuals won’t always see eye to eye collectively. Imagine this type of instance, when your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your partner says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).
Anger can be an immediate response and bitterness will be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as an alternative to principled responses. Countless regrettable thoughts and actions occur in such moments. I once did a chat in the bookstore and noted that the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone but words won’t ever hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after bone fractures have been healed. There was clearly a songwriter from the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Instead of holding this negativity, you can consciously choose to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself because heated moment when you find yourself flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Imagine if you’re able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Do not forget that you don’t have to be physically as well as verbally abusive being violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially because they are inadvertently reflected in our attitudes and behaviors. For example, you’ll become withdrawn and important in an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. Another person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and in no time you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, why not strike when the iron is cold? Let yourself relax and cool off, and share your emotions and thoughts when you find yourself ready and so are capable of clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any sort means that you might be identified with the thinking mind.
It means you don’t see the other human being anymore, only your own personal idea of that human being. To lessen the aliveness of some other human being with a concept is a type of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
That is amazing you’re on a sailboat from the ocean, and navigating these waves will be the course of life. Regardless of how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off target sometimes. One of the most capable fishermen and sailors recognize that sometimes a good thing you can do-or one and only thing you can do-is to easily ride your storm. Allow feelings blow due to you then pass. Ride from the mental storm. It’s just a cascade of chemicals, you realize, depending on fear. These are just waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s much better to stay afloat when you relax your body instead of when you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown within their drama either. Stay grounded using these mantras:
Storms always pass. You don’t have to panic or fear.
Ride your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I am going to analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now I am going to wait and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to sit down far better analyze the storm, and understand what caused it. You can also discover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance have you notice?
What helped you pull through? How may you get this transition easier down the road?
Utilize storm as a possible opportunity to gain new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, understand that storms can be a section of life, but you hold the power to navigate your way through them. You will always return to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles usually do not block the trail; these are path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles can be an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Make positive changes to Story, Make positive changes to Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
For additional information about relationships browse this popular web portal: check