A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” indicated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their degree of “relationship happiness”. Additionally, they experienced improved and healthier amounts of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as for others.
We’re human; conflicts are unfortunately a section of life’s journey. Within a Mindfulness where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural that we won’t always see eye to eye with each other. Imagine such an instance, when your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your partner says and does (through your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as an alternative to principled responses. So many regrettable actions and thoughts take place in such moments. One time i did a talk inside a bookstore and noted the phrase “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will not hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester for a while following bone fractures have been healed. There were a songwriter inside the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As opposed to keeping this negativity, you are able to consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself because heated moment if you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you were in a position to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or perhaps your partner?
Do not forget that you don’t must be physically or perhaps verbally abusive to be violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected in our attitudes and behaviors. For example, you may become withdrawn and critical during an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and vice versa, and before very long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, why not strike when the iron is cold? Let yourself cool off and cool off, and share your heartaches and thoughts if you are ready and so are capable of clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any sort means that you are identified using the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t see the other individual anymore, only your individual thought of that individual. To lessen the aliveness of someone else individual to a concept is already a kind of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose you’re on a sailboat inside the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the length of life. No matter how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off target sometimes. One of the most capable fishermen and sailors realize that sometimes the good thing you are able to do-or the one thing you are able to do-is to merely ride the storm. Permit the feelings blow due to you after which pass. Ride out of the mental storm. It’s only a cascade of chemicals, you understand, based on fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s quicker to stay afloat if you relax one’s body as opposed to if you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your own journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown within their drama either. Remain grounded using these mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now Let me hang on and pull through.
Later, you’ve got the clarity of mind to sit down and better analyze the storm, and know very well what caused it. You may also get the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance did you notice?
What helped you pull through? How will you get this transition easier in the foreseeable future?
Utilize the storm being an opportunity to gain new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, keep in mind that storms certainly are a section of life, nevertheless, you have the capability to navigate your path through them. You’ll always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles don’t block the path; they are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Alter your Story, Alter your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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