A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” indicated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements with their degree of “relationship happiness”. Additionally, they experienced improved and healthier degrees of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness can be a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and then for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an unavoidable part of life’s journey. In a anger management where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural that individuals won’t always see eye to eye with one another. Imagine such an instance, once your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your spouse says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is surely an immediate response and bitterness will be the path; These emotions call forth reactions instead of principled responses. So many regrettable actions and thoughts take place in such moments. I once did a talk in the bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words won’t ever hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words might cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long afterwards broken bones have been healed. There is a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote an audio lesson entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Instead of keeping this negativity, you are able to consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s notice it together. Picture yourself in this heated moment when you’re flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you are capable of feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself maybe partner?
Remember that you don’t must be physically and even verbally abusive being violent. Even thoughts can be destructive, especially as they are inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For example, you will become withdrawn and significant in an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the opposite way round, and in no time you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, you will want to strike when the iron is cold? Let yourself relax and cool off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you’re ready and are capable of clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any type implies that you’re identified using the thinking mind.
This means you don’t see the other individual anymore, but only your personal thought of that individual. To lessen the aliveness of some other individual with a concept is already a kind of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Imagine that you are on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves will be the course of life. No matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off track sometimes. Essentially the most capable fishermen and sailors recognize that sometimes a good thing you are able to do-or one and only thing you are able to do-is to merely ride out the storm. Permit the feelings blow through you after which pass. Ride out your mental storm. It’s just a cascade of chemicals, you understand, according to fear. These are just waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you remarked that it’s quicker to stay afloat once you relax one’s body as an alternative to once you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, in your journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown within their drama either. Stay grounded with one of these mantras:
Storms always pass. There is no need to panic or fear.
Ride out the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later I will analyze the storm. Now I would like only observe it. Now I will hang on and survive.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat and much better analyze the storm, also to determine what caused it. It’s also possible to find the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you survive? How could you get this transition easier in the future?
Use the storm as a possible chance to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, remember that storms really are a part of life, however you hold the power to navigate your way through them. You’ll always go back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the road; they are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is surely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Improve your Story, Improve your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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